


My best friend's girl

by Eve1978



Category: James Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Steve Rogers - Fandom
Genre: Cheating, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mutual Pining, Torn Between Two Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-15 04:22:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10549986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eve1978/pseuds/Eve1978
Summary: Bucky’s been in cryo for a year now, during that time you and Steve have grown closer together. You both want more but are scared to give into your feelings, until one night…





	1. Chapter 1

You took another sip from your drink and made your way towards the living room where a group of friends were chatting and laughing. The tv was playing tunes from the 80’s and there was an improvised dance floor where the dining table used to be. 

Natasha was showing off her dancing skills, her enthusiasm quickly encouraging others to join her.

Your eyes scanned the room until you found Steve sitting at the end of the couch. He was engaged in a conversation with Sam but stopped talking as soon as he saw you.

It’s like his jaw was stuck, there were no more words coming from his mouth and his eyes were glued to yours. But it only lasted a few seconds, after that he ducked down his head and looked the other way. 

You laughed silently at his feeble attempt to avoid you.

The change in him had been inescapable, one day he was treating you with endless affection and the next it was as if you were dead to him. You never knew which it was going to be.

Take tonight for example, it started as soon as you walked in. He’d greeted you like everyone else but his hug had felt just a little too tight. And while hugging you he buried his nose into your hair to take in your scent and then stayed there just a little longer than friends should.   
He kept his distance after that but was never able to keep his eyes off you for longer than a few minutes. Like he had to remind himself not to stare and as soon as he forgot his eyes instinctively found their way back to you.

You knew his feelings towards you had changed, you’d have to be blind not to notice. You also knew he would never act on them, not as long as you were his best friend’s girl. He was too good of a guy for that. 

It didn’t matter that his best friend had been unconscious for almost a year now.

Your relationship with Bucky had always been a complicated one but regardless of all the difficulties you two faced you loved each other unconditionally. There was never any doubt in your mind that you would love him for the rest of your days. 

When he decided to go back into cryo it was you who insisted you would wait for him, no matter how long that would take. Bucky was the one who wouldn’t hear of it and insisted you moved on with your life while he was under.

You were inconsolable during those first months and Steve was the only one who understood what you were going through. You both lost your best friend, it was no wonder you turned to each other.  
You couldn’t count the number of nights you’d fallen asleep on Steve’s couch after watching a movie together. He let you sleep in his bed, made you breakfast and let you cry as much as you needed to.

He was the best friend anyone could ask for, and that’s all you ever saw in him. You didn’t care about men or dating, you were still too much in love with Bucky to even look at other men that way.

Steve had always been like a brother to you, there had never been any feelings or any awkwardness between you two.

At least not back then.

But things started to change a couple of months ago. 

You don’t know exactly when or how it happened but you were starting to see him differently. Maybe it was the beard he was sporting or the tight shirts he had started to wear, but it was like a veil had lifted and you suddenly noticed how handsome, and downright sexy, he actually was. 

You caught yourself dwelling on how amazing his hugs felt and how you needed his comfort and support. How you missed his company if you didn’t see him for a few days and how he always found a way to make you laugh.

You put it down to him being your best friend and the only man in your life you allowed to come close after Bucky. It was normal to develop feelings over time, that’s all it was, just some feelings. 

It wasn’t a crush, it couldn’t be, you loved Bucky.

But it wasn’t just you who changed. 

You’d caught Steve staring at you on more than just a few occasions, and sometimes when you talked his eyes would suddenly move to your lips and then he’d look away all nervous when he realized he was doing it.   
You also noticed the cuddling sessions during movie nights lasted longer and longer and he was always the one who initiated them.

But neither of you ever overstepped any boundaries. You were friends and that was it, you were Bucky’s girl and Steve knew that better than anyone. So he started to ignore you, he no longer called or texted every day and the last few movie nights were cancelled because there was an ‘urgent mission’ only he knew about.   
He was doing his utter best to create distance between you two and while you hated it you also understood.

You don’t know what was different about tonight, maybe it’s because this was a party and the alcohol had been flowing generously. Or maybe it was the start of the new year that opened you up to new beginnings.

All you knew was tonight for the first time you had trouble keeping your feelings to yourself and the sight of him so blindly ignoring you felt like a knife through your heart.

Sneaky stares and one welcome hug aside Steve succeeded in staying far away from you for the rest of the night.

It wasn’t until later, when most guests had left and you were fleeing the party to get some air on the balcony, that you ran into him, almost literally.

‘Oops, I’m sorry,’ he lifted his hands and laughed but the smile faded when he noticed you were the girl he almost collided with. He immediately took a step back and avoided your eyes.

‘My bad, I wasn’t looking where I was going,’ you apologized.

‘It was my fault, I should have…so…having fun tonight?’ his voice sounded nervous and while he asked the question he was already looking away from you again, trying to find the quickest exit out of this accidental run in.

‘It’s okay,’ you smiled.

Steve nodded his head, letting his eyes meet yours briefly before he spoke,’ I should get back to…’

‘Avoiding me?’ you asked with a little grin on your face.

He blushed while he smiled and shook his head,’ No, that’s not…no, I wasn’t…’

‘It’s fine, Steve, I was just grabbing some air while I wait for a cab, you can go back to the party and pretend you didn’t see me,’ you turned your back to him and opened the door to the small balcony, thinking that would be the end of it but much to your surprise Steve followed you outside and locked the door behind you.

The music from the party faded to the background and it was just the two of you out here.

He stood behind you for a little while without saying a word. After a few minutes you felt him move closer until his body was touching yours, his chest flush against your back.

You leaned back against him and closed your eyes, finding relief in his presence. You felt his warm breath against your skin and his hand on your waist, his touch was gentle and a little hesitant as he pulled you against him.

‘Steve,’ you sighed.

‘You know avoiding you is the very last thing I want,’ his voice was deep and soft against your ear.

You couldn’t help but smile at his confession and you shivered when he nuzzled your cheek.

‘I know,’ you smiled.

‘I’ve been trying so hard to fight it,’ he sighed defeated,’ This is wrong, I can’t do this to Buck, we can’t do this to him.’

You turned around to look into his eyes, his inner struggle was all over his face,’ James has been gone for a year now, Steve, we don’t even know if he’s ever coming out of it.’

‘I know that,’ he sighed,’ but…’

‘I’m supposed to die old and alone?’

He put his hand back on your waist and pulled you against his chest, another sigh on his lips,’ That would be a terrible waste.’

You stayed quiet for a while, letting your hands feel his firm chest while his fingers softly caressed your hips.

‘Bucky’s my best friend,’ he then said.

‘And what am I, Steve?’ you asked softly.

His hand was back on your waist while his other was on your shoulder, slowly pulling down the strap of your top. When he leaned forward and started kissing your shoulder your eyes fell closed and you couldn’t help but let out a small moan.

His touch was intoxicating, this was very different from all the hugging sessions this past year. This time it was like every brush of his fingers sent electricity right through your every vein, not to mention the effect of his warm lips on your bare skin.

‘What am I?’ you asked again in a heavy whisper.

‘You’re the woman I can’t stop thinking about,’ he whispered against your skin.  
His arm snaked around your waist to hold you close to him while he continued kissing your shoulders and worked his way up to your neck.

‘I don’t want to fight this anymore,’ he whispered into your ear.

‘Me neither, Steve.’

The dark intense look in his eyes took you by surprise.

‘I can’t wait any longer,’ he spoke softly while his lips ghosted over yours,’ being around you and not being allowed to touch you is torture.’

‘Tell me about it,’ you sighed and you softly kissed his warm lips, making you both moan into the kiss.

He was a perfect kisser just like you always knew he would be. He started out slowly, opening you up to him before slipping his tongue into your mouth.  
Your fingers delved into his hair while his hands sank down to your lower back to hold you close to him. When he worked up the courage to go further one hand sank down lower to your ass, grabbing it firmly to pull you up against him.

You gasped when you could feel his rock hard erection press against your center.

‘Steve,’ the wanton moan from your lips made him buck his hips against you.

‘Do that again,’ he asked.

‘What?’

He licked your neck and gently bit your earlobe while he rolled his hips, rubbing his hardness right between your legs where your heat was pooling and then he whispered,’ Moan my name like that again.’

‘Fuck, Steve,’ you didn’t even have to try, it automatically came out as a heavy moan and his deep chuckle made it clear that was exactly what he wanted to hear.

You wanted to kiss him again but he spun you around, putting your back against his chest while his hands travelled up your stomach to gently cup your breasts.

You were already falling apart in his arms. His touch was everything you always dreamed it would be, delicate yet demanding. He massaged your breasts through the fabric of your shirt but you needed more.

‘I need to feel you,’ you encouraged him,’ under my shirt.’

There was no need to ask him twice, he pushed up the fabric and soon found his way to your breasts again. He played with your nipples while placing open mouthed kisses on your neck. 

You were breathing hard, he was soaking your panties with every kiss and your need for him was quickly building. You needed to feel him between your legs where it was throbbing now and you weren’t sure how much longer you could bear to wait.

‘Steve,’ you moaned,’ please…’

His one hand tenderly caressed your stomach putting goosebumps all over your skin. He stroked his way down to your jeans and slowly unbuttoned it. You moaned in anticipation and when his fingers disappeared into your panties and in between your swollen folds you were ready to cum on the spot.

You bit down hard on your lip and he chuckled, his voice low and hot against your ear,’ My god, you’re soaked.’

‘I’ve wanted you to touch me like this,’ you confessed while you leaned your head back further onto his shoulder,’ God, you have no idea, Steve…’

He started making slow circles around your clit, watching you intently to see when your breathing sped up, making sure he was touching you just right.

‘Please don’t stop,’ when you started moaning he knew he was on the right track. He slipped two fingers deep inside of you while keeping his thumb on your clit.

You started to fall apart.

‘I dreamed of hearing you moan like this, just for me,’ he breathed against your neck while he curled his fingers, making you come undone.

‘Steve, I’m…fuck…I’m…’

He tightened his arm around your waist, holding you up while your legs started to shake and your walls contracted around his fingers, giving you the best orgasm you’ve had in over a year.

He held you close to his chest, kissing your neck while he let you come down from your high.

When you found your breath again you turned around to face him.

You were greeted by that small sweet smile you knew so well and a look in his eyes that was new to you. All you saw in there right now was pure animalistic lust and to see it on the man that was usually so calm and controlled was turning you on even more.

You wanted him to let go of all that built up sexual frustration and take it out on you, in any way he saw fit.

You grabbed his shirt and leaned closer to kiss him again, you bit his lower lip and smiled while you stared into his eyes.

‘Take me,’ you whispered,’ please.’

He pushed you up against the wall, putting himself between your legs while he latched onto your neck. His kissed were rough, impatient and sloppy, his beard burned against your skin and you hissed when he left little bite marks on your shoulder.

‘Take me now,’ you breathed and you struggled to open his belt. Your coordination suffered from your desperate need to fuck him. You’d been waiting so long every minute now felt like a minute too long.

‘We shouldn’t be doing this here out in the open,’ he whispered in between kissing you,’ it feels so…wrong.’

You cupped his erection through his pants and rubbed him up and down.

‘Does this feel wrong to you?’ you teased and the moan coming from his lips betrayed him.

‘No, god, fuck no,’ he whimpered and you couldn’t help but laugh.

‘Language, Cap, please,’ you joked but the smile soon faded from your face when he grabbed your waist and pushed you back up against the wall, a little rougher than before.

He pushed his pants and boxers down to his ankles and you did the same with your jeans and panties.

He pulled your leg up around his waist to open you up to him while he pushed into you. You buried your nails into his back the moment the wet tip of his cock pushed against your clit. He rolled his hips while he leaned his forehead against yours. 

His eyes were closed and his jaw clenched while he tried to hold back and focus on the friction that was driving you towards another orgasm.   
If he kept this going it wouldn’t take long for you to cum again.

He was breathing hard and you knew he wouldn’t be able to hold off much longer.

‘Please don’t hold back,’ you whimpered.

He nodded his head and stroked himself a few times before slowly guiding himself into you, taking both your breaths away.

He held you close in his arms and took his time to sink deeper into your warmth.

You’d imagined this scenario many times in your head, never really believing it would ever happen. Now that it was, you were overwhelmed by the feeling of having him inside you and you closed your eyes, letting out a deep whimper.

‘Are you alright?’ his voice was soft and his hands were stroking your back while he held you up,’ Am I hurting you?’

‘Not at all,’ you hugged him tighter while you moved your hips and brought your lips to his ear,’ I need you to move.’

He started bucking his hips, slowly and carefully, pulling out of you and pushing back in. The first thrusts were gentle, exploring, letting you both get used to the sensation.

‘God, you feel just as good as I imagined,’ he moaned while he bucked his hips faster, digging his fingers into your skin to hold you in place,’ fuck, I can’t…’

There was no more room for gentle, with every thrust he slammed into you a little harder while the intensity of his moans grew. 

His firm grip was starting to hurt you and the way your back hit the wall behind you would surely leave bruises but you no longer cared. Your orgasm was overpowering and you clenched and clenched around him until you pulled him down with you.

‘I’m gonna…fuck…I’m…ohh,’ with one low growl he released everything he’d been holding back and collapsed in your arms.

You held onto him until his breathing slowed down, which took several minutes. His hands were in your hair and he put soft kisses on your forehead. You both clung to each other, not willing to let go yet but at the same time avoiding each other’s eyes.

There was no way back now. Too late for regrets.

He helped you put your clothes back on and when you were both ready he unlocked the door. But not before taking your hand and finally looking into your eyes again, a little satisfied smile on his face and a happy yet tired look in his eyes. 

You smiled back while you squeezed his hand and bit your lip. There was no need for words as he put his hand on your lower back and guided you back inside the apartment.

‘There you guys are, I’ve been looking everywhere,’ Natasha’s was holding a phone to her ear while she rushed towards you.

‘What’s wrong?’ Steve asked.

‘There’s a problem in the lab,’ she explained,’ I don’t know what exactly happened but there was a system failure in basement level 7.’

‘Level 7?’ your voice was coated in worry, knowing there was only one thing on that floor and your heart froze on the spot,’ please tell me he’s alright.’

‘Bucky’s fine,’ she reassured you,’ but…he’s awake.’


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is awake...

The drive to the lab was a quiet one, you and Steve shared the backseat but neither of you had acknowledged each other’s presence since Nat told you the news earlier. 

All you wanted right now was to get to SHIELD as soon as humanly possible and see Bucky.

And forget the rest of this night ever happened.

You were so nervous you couldn’t keep your legs or hands from shaking. Steve noticed and put his hand on yours in a friendly comforting gesture, one you usually would have accepted and reciprocated but right now you flinched. 

He took his hand back and didn’t try to touch you again after that.

The elevator ride and security check were a blur, you were only vaguely aware that Steve was always right in front of you. The closer you got to actually seeing Bucky the more you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

By the time you were led into the room where they kept him your heart was racing in your chest. You were sure if this lasted much longer you would either faint or throw up.

But then you saw him.

He was sitting on one of the beds wearing nothing but sweat pants and a white t-shirt. His hair was still a little wet from the shower and he seemed to have trouble keeping his eyes focussed on one clear point but the smile on his face was warm and relaxed.

The calm you felt as soon as his eyes locked with yours was indescribable. As if some part of a puzzle that was left unresolved for a long time suddenly fell into place.

His eyes lit up and his smile widened while he stood up and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you against him in a hard hug. You buried your fingers into his hair and held him close to you.

‘James,’ your eyes filled with tears and your voice broke.

‘Draga mea,’ he whispered in your ear, making you cry even more.

It was his favorite pet name for you and to hear him say it again after more than a year of not even hearing his voice was overwhelming. You clung to him and buried your face into the crook of his neck.

‘You have no idea how good it feels to see you,’ he whispered in a smile.

‘Oh yes, I do,’ you smiled and broke the hug to look into his eyes.

You were physically unable to take the smile off your face. Now that you were in his arms all was well with the world again and everything else seemed to fade to the background, at least for a little while.

But it didn’t last, in the corner of his eye Bucky noticed Steve and he broke your hug to step over to him.

‘Buck,’ Steve stepped closer to his friend.

‘It’s good to see you,’ Bucky smiled and put his hand on Steve’s shoulder while he looked at him and shook his head,’ What’s with the beard, man? How long was I under?’

Both men laughed but Bucky’s face soon turned serious when Steve put his arms around his shoulders and hugged him.

‘It’s good to see you too,’ You could hear the emotion overtake Steve’s voice and you turned away from both of them, giving them time to hug and talk while you kept your distance.

You waited until Steve stepped away from Bucky to address him again,’ How are you feeling?’

‘I don’t know, good, I guess, a little tired, which sounds completely ridiculous after having slept for over a year,’ he added with a little smile.

‘Do they know what happened?’ Steve asked.

‘No, all I know is it was a malfunction, whatever that means.’

Steve nodded his head, you sat down on the side of the bed and Bucky joined you.

‘I guess this means there’s no cure yet, huh,’ he said looking from Steve to you and back to Steve.

‘No,’ Steve admitted,’ I’m sorry, Buck.’

Bucky nodded his head and stared out in front of him in silence for a while. ‘I woke up too soon,’ he sighed, an unmistakeable sadness coating his voice.

You put your hand over his and he gently laced his fingers with yours. Steve looked away when he noticed.

‘You’re awake now,’ you spoke softly,’ that’s all that matters.’

Bucky gave you a warm smile and put a soft kiss on your cheek, leaning his face against yours while he closed his eyes.

‘So are they keeping you here tonight? Or are you free to go?’ you asked.

‘I…have no idea, actually.’

‘They’ll probably want to keep you here in observation for a few days,’ Steve spoke,’ just to make sure everything’s okay and you’re physically fit enough.’

‘I guess I’m stuck here then,’ Bucky turned his head towards you again,’ Stay with me tonight?’

You put your arms around his neck and smiled while you nodded your head,’ Where else would I go?’

Bucky leaned in to softly kiss your lips, making your heart melt and the butterflies in your stomach flutter. He pulled you closer and deepened the kiss until he realized you two weren’t alone in the room. With a little shy smile he pulled back and bit his lip. 

Steve had turned his back to you, doing his utter best to ignore the sting of jealousy he felt looking at you and Bucky’s public plays of affection.   
It was the last thing he needed tonight and part of him couldn’t wait to flee the room. You were the one who stood up and made the decision before he could.

‘I’ll just go and pack a few of my things and be back here in an hour, alright?’ you said before giving Bucky another quick kiss and disappearing from the room. 

You ignored Steve as you walked past him, leaving the two men alone.

With you gone Steve visibly relaxed and walked closer to his friend who was looking at him with a smile.

‘It really is good to see you,’ he repeated.

Bucky nodded his head before he locked eyes with Steve,’ So, how long have you been sleeping with my girl?’

Steve froze and felt the blood rush to his cheeks, he’d always been a bad liar and Bucky knew him better than anyone. 

There was no way he could fake this but he knew he had to try, even if it was just for your sake.

‘Buck…I…she…it’s not…why would you even…,’ he was tripping over his words trying to make light of the accusation but every word of protest convinced Bucky of the opposite.

‘I know my girlfriend, Steve, she’s been in the same room with you for 20 minutes and she hasn’t acknowledged you once, it’s like you weren’t even here,’ he explained,’ before I went under you two were good friends, close friends even, which means you either did something really awful to her and she can’t stand to look at you, or…she’s sleeping with you.’

Steve stayed quiet, it was no use trying to deny anything.

‘My money’s on the latter,’ Bucky added.

‘It’s not like that,’ Steve sighed,’ we didn’t want it to happen, and it only happened once…tonight.’

‘Tonight?’ Bucky laughed in shock,’ oh man, my timing sure sucks.’

‘I’m so sorry,’ Steve apologized,’ It should have never happened, you were gone and we didn’t know if…that’s no excuse, I know.’

‘Relax, Steve, I’m not angry.’

‘You’re not?’

‘I didn’t expect her to not move on with her life,’ he spoke more seriously now,’ that’s not what I wanted for her, I wanted her to be happy and forget about me. Who better out there for her than my best friend? Someone I trust to treat her well.’

He smiled a weak smile and Steve’s heart sank.

‘She never forgot about you,’ he interrupted,’ she was devastated during those first months and I…’

He sighed.

‘You took care of her,’ Bucky finished his sentence.

‘Like I promised you.’

Bucky nodded his head.

‘She loves you,’ Steve said,’ that never changed, whatever happened between us…it was a one time thing, it didn’t mean anything.’

‘You sure about that?’

‘Yes, she’s your girl, Buck, I would never steal your girl.’

‘Unless I’m unconscious and unable to stop you,’ he added with a grin.

Steve opened his mouth to protest but Bucky laughed and lifted his hands,’ I’m joking.’

‘That’s not funny.’

Bucky took a step closer to his friend and sighed before repeating his question,’ Are you sure it didn’t mean anything?’

Steve nodded his head, knowing there was only one right answer to that question, even though every bone in his body screamed it was a lie.

‘Yes, I’m sure,’ he answered.

****

You rushed home to fill a suitcase and made your way back to the SHIELD facilities as soon as you could to be with Bucky.

By the time you were back Steve had already left and you found Bucky in one of the hospital rooms. The lights in the room were dimmed and he was sitting alone on the bed, a smile forming on his face when he saw you.

‘Sorry, the security took forever, I had to sign a bunch of papers,’ you sat down next to him with a sigh.

‘Let me guess, staying with me is a risk to your safety and they did everything they could to talk you out of it.’

‘Something like that.’

‘Yet you’re here,’ he smiled and took your hand, guiding you into the bed with him and pulling the covers over the both of you. He opened his arms and you slipped into his hug, resting your head on his shoulder. You felt him cling to you while letting out a deep sigh of relief.

‘Is everything okay, Buck?’ you asked.

‘Yeah, I’m just tired, and at the same time the thought of sleep scares me. I just want to…be here, you know.’

You pulled him close to you and pressed a soft kiss to his jaw,’ It’s just a few hours, I’ll be right here when you wake up, I promise.’

He finally fell asleep after about an hour and you soon followed.

The next few days consisted of you and him sleeping, eating and lying in each other’s arms while you talked about everything he missed this past year. 

Bucky had to go through several physical and psychological tests every day and you could tell it was weighing on him. By the time he was back in his room he seemed tired and a little absent.

He was physical with you in the sense that he touched you all the time but he never took it further than a few kisses. Bucky was never much of a talker, he always showed his love through actions, and it was those actions that you were missing the most right now.

You knew Bucky needed time after what he’d been through so you were patient.

It was one week later when you both found yourselves awake in the middle of the night. He’d been sleeping uneasy all night, reaching for you in his sleep, his touch waking you up every single time.

His body felt hot against yours and his warm breath on your neck was putting goosebumps all over your skin. His fingers started playing with the hem of your t-shirt until they dipped underneath to softly stroke the bare skin on your stomach.

He pulled you up against him, spooning you, burying his face into your hair.

‘I’ve missed you,’ his voice was heavy and sleepy, and so incredibly sexy.

His fingers were traveling upwards, over your stomach towards your breasts, he hesitated for a moment before fondling them softly.

‘I missed you too, James,’ you breathed and leaned into him.

‘I’ve missed your body,’ he continued in his bedroom voice,’ the way it reacts to my touch.’

He flicked his thumbs across your nipples and pushed his hips against your ass, making you feel his growing erection.

‘It has missed you too, you have no idea how much,’ you reached behind you to palm him through his boxers, making him hiss between his teeth.

‘Fuck, I need to be inside of you,’ he moaned against your neck.

Without any more stalling you turned around and pushed him down onto the bed, straddling him and grabbing his wrists to push them above his head.

‘Are you sure you’re up for this, soldier?’ you teased and he met your eyes with a sleepy grin.

‘You might have to do most of the work, but oh yeah, I’m up for it,’ to accentuate his words he rocked his hips against yours, making you feel his erection against your center. He was fully hard by now and the thin fabric of your underwear didn’t leave much to the imagination. 

You leaned down to kiss his neck. As soon as you released his hands they were on your waist, pushing you down on him while he started rolling his hips again. The friction of his hard member against your clit was heavenly, you could climax by just doing this and it wouldn’t even take you long.

Looking at the tension on his face and the way he was biting down on his lip you were even sure you could take him there with you. 

But you didn’t want it to be over that quickly.

You moved back and hooked your fingers into his boxers to slowly pull them down after which you moved back to his neck, kissing and licking his skin. You worked your way down to his shoulders and chest, kissing every piece of skin you could reach. 

Bucky’s breathing was speeding up and you could see his muscles tense when you reached his stomach.

‘Oh god,’ he moaned when you licked down his happy trail.

You gently took his cock into your hands and started stroking it, slowly, knowing he didn’t need much to be pushed towards that edge.

You let your thumb roll over his tip before licking him slowly, He was losing control and his moans were growing in intensity and volume.   
Part of you feared he would draw the attention of the security guards outside the door, but when he gently sank his fingers into your hair and moaned your name, you no longer cared. 

All you could think about was giving him the pleasure he had been denied for the past year.

He moaned your name again when you took him into your mouth and slowly let him sink down your throat.

‘Don’t stop, please,’ Bucky whimpered and his grip on your hair tightened. As soon as you built up a rhythm he started bucking his hips and guiding himself deeper into your mouth,’ oh god…don’t stop…wait…stop, stop.’

He pulled you off him roughly, knowing if he didn’t stop you it would have been over right then and there.

He brought your face up to his and kissed you deeply while his metal hand tugged at your panties, desperate to get them off. You helped him get you out of them and smiled at his eagerness.

‘I need you to ride me,’ he whispered heavily into your ear,’ please, baby.’

You guided him into your wetness and slowly lowered yourself onto his erection. You didn’t need much time to adjust and he wouldn’t have given it to you either. As soon as you started rolling your hips he was bucking into you hard, digging his fingers into the skin of your waist as he held you down.

‘Harder, please,’ he begged and you obliged, feeling the heat coil in your belly,’ I’m so close, oh god please…’

You moved your hips to meet his thrusts and create the perfect friction against your clit while he filled you up to the hilt. He was falling apart when you started clenching around him and you surrendered to your climax.

You dug your nails into his chest and arched your back and with one last hard snap of his hips he filled you with all he had to offer. His peak was accompanied by one last moan that sounded more like a scream and you let your body fall down against his chest.

‘Shit,’ Bucky covered his face while he laughed and wrapped his metal arm around your waist.

‘You were so loud,’ you giggled,’ I’m shocked nobody’s come in here already.’

He put both arms around you and hugged you tight.

‘That was…fuck, I didn’t realize how much I needed that,’ he confessed.

‘I did,’ you grinned and leaned your forehead against his.

He smiled and put a few stray locks of your hair behind your ear,’ I can’t believe I went an entire year without sex. Can you imagine? A whole year?’

You rolled off him and laid down beside him on your side of the bed, keeping your eyes on the ceiling.

‘Yeah,’ you sighed and stayed quiet for a while.

‘Everything okay?’ Bucky asked.

‘Yeah, sorry, everything’s fine,’ you smiled and looked at him briefly.

You didn’t dare keep your eyes on his any longer while you lied. He knew you too well, he would see right through you.

Bucky took your hand into his,’ Hey, look at me, draga mea.’

You turned your head to meet his eyes, his blue soft kind eyes and you suddenly felt like the worst person in the world.

‘Buck,’ you sighed,’ there’s something…’

‘I don’t want to talk about the past year,’ he interrupted you,’ it doesn’t matter to me. I told you to move on with your life, and I don’t blame you if you did but…I don’t need to know, okay.’

You nodded your head.

‘Do you still love me?’ he then asked softly.

‘Always,’ you felt tears well up in your eyes and Bucky pulled you into his arms when he noticed.

‘Then that’s all that matters,’ he whispered and kissed your forehead,’ I don’t care about anything else, okay?’

You nodded your head and hugged him back.

For the next few days you were able to just enjoy his company and not let your mind stray too far or worry too much. It was just you and Bucky in his room and the outside world didn’t exist for you two.

But of course that couldn’t last. At one point you would have to leave Shield and get back out into the real world.

You were in dire need of new clothes by Wednesday and on your way out of Shield when you ran into Steve.

You were walking in the middle of the hallway when you noticed him coming towards you.

There was no way you could have avoided him without it looking like you were actually trying to avoid him, which was the last thing you wanted.

You wanted to act normal around him. You wanted to get back to being just friends with him, like it had been before, but as soon as you saw the pained look in his eyes you knew that was out of the question.

He stopped to great you, a hesitant smile on his face.

‘Hey,’ he muttered softly, putting his hands in his pockets to hide his nerves.

‘Hey, Steve,’ you smiled.

‘How is he?’

‘Better,’ you nodded your head, allowing yourself to look at him, something you hadn’t done since the party that night,’ how are you?’

‘Good, that’s good,’ he spoke softly.

You both just stood there in awkward silence for several seconds before you spoke again,’ Steve, listen, about that night…’

‘Don’t,’ he interrupted you and shook his head in a heavy sigh,’ just…don’t, okay.’

He didn’t leave you a chance to speak again. He just turned his back to you and started walking away.

‘Steve,’ you sighed but you knew there was nothing you could say to better the situation so you swallowed the rest of your words.

The sight of him walking away from you filled you with an inexplicable sadness. You pulled your scarf on a little tighter and continued walking, leaving Shield and both men behind you.

Steve was almost at the end of the hall when he turned around, just in time to see you walk through the door.

This past week had been torture for him, knowing you spent every day, and even worse every night, with Bucky hurt him more than he wanted to admit.

He’d finally made his feelings known to you after fighting them for so long, and it just blew up in his face. If only he had kept quiet for one day longer. He’d still be hurting right now but he would have just gone back to pretending to be just friends.

He’d done that for long enough, he was used to it.The worst thing was he’d been so sure you felt the same. The way you melted in his arms that night, the passionate kisses and whimpers from your mouth. You’d wanted him just as much as he wanted you.   
How could all that have changed in just a week?

‘Hey, man, you’re here,’ Bucky stood in the doorway and smiled at Steve, opening the door further to let him step inside.

This was how. Bucky was how.

His best friend was the reason his heart was torn in half and there was nothing he could do about it.   
‘How have you been?’ Steve asked, willing away his thoughts and putting his attention back on his friend.

‘Fine, but I’d really like to get out of here.’

‘They’re still not letting you go?’

‘Steve, you know they’re never going to just let me,’ he sighed,’ I’ll always be a risk, but I may have been able to make a deal.’

‘I’m listening.’

‘I need your help.’

‘Whatever you need, you know that,’ Steve reassured him.

‘They’re willing to put me on house arrest, but only with someone they trust completely and who lives close to the facility.’

‘That someone is me, I presume.’

Bucky nodded his head with a hopeful smile,’ Any chance you have an extra room for an old friend?’


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some mild smut in this one but Steve’s a cock blocker. Feels and plot and some fluff.

The first week in Steve’s apartment passed by quickly and a lot easier than you had expected, mainly because Steve was out of the apartment for most of the day. And when he was home he made sure to hide out in whichever room you and Bucky weren’t in.

Bucky was starting to adjust, day by day you could see him relax a little bit more. He still wasn’t allowed to leave the building but he was clearly relieved to no longer be under Shield’s constant supervision.

You were standing in the kitchen that night cutting up some vegetables when you felt Bucky move behind you.

‘Do you need any help?’ he offered.

‘No, I’ve got this,’ you smiled,’ just sit back and let me do the work, I’ve missed cooking for you.’

You expected him to take a seat but he didn’t and you jumped when you suddenly felt his hand on your waist and his face against your cheek.

‘Bucky,’ you sighed and stopped cutting.

‘Shhhh,’ he gently moved your hair back and you shivered when his lips grazed the back of your neck. ‘God, I’ve missed your smell,’ he whispered and kissed you right behind your ear.

The scratch of his light stubble on your skin had your arms covered in goosebumps.

You could hear him take in a breath, followed by a deep satisfied chuckle when he noticed the effect his mouth had on you.

‘I’m trying to cook here, Sergeant Barnes,’ your protest was weak and you knew it. You both knew you didn’t want him to stop touching you.

He wrapped his arm around your waist and spun you around so you were facing him, the knife you were holding to cut the tomatoes now trapped in between you two.

He pulled it from your fingers with his metal hand and put it down on the counter.

‘I’m not that hungry,’ he smiled.

‘Well, I am actually, I’ve been working all day.’

‘Then let’s order in,’ he leaned his forehead against yours, his breath warm against your cheek while his eyes bored into yours, dark with lust.

‘You’re a bad influence, James,’ you wrapped your arms around his neck and bit your lip, knowing the effect that always had on him.

‘Oh, I’m a bad influence?’ he teased.

He pushed you against the kitchen counter and lifted you up to sit you down on it, your legs automatically wrapped around his waist.

‘I’ve missed you like crazy, can you blame me for not caring about food?’

‘A man’s gotta eat.’

‘Yes, very true,’ he sank his hand down between your legs to gently cup your sex through your sweat pants,’ and I think I know exactly what I’m craving.’

He slowly licked his lips while he looked at you and he moved his fingers, putting enough pressure so you could feel him on your clit through your pants.

‘Fuck,’ you closed your eyes and sighed.

Just the thought of having his mouth between your legs and the memory of how good he was with that tongue had you soaked.

‘Let me taste you,’ he whispered while he pulled at the hem of your pants.

You both jumped at the sound of the front door opening and you were out of Bucky’s arms in an instant, just in time to see Steve walking in.

‘Hey, man,’ Bucky avoided looking him in the eyes, a little blush on his cheeks at the thought of what would have happened had Steve arrived home a few minutes later.

‘We’re ordering in, do you want to join us?’ you asked.

‘I already ate at Nat’s,’ Steve answered quickly,’ I’m just going to grab a shower and try and sleep.’

He moved through the kitchen without really looking at either you or Bucky.

You both shared a look when Steve was gone and Bucky covered his face and laughed,’ Shit.’

‘That can’t happen again, Buck, it’s his apartment, we can’t just…’

He took your hand and nodded his head,’ Let’s take this to the bedroom then, shall we?’

He pulled you with him and you followed eagerly, quickly forgetting about Steve when you remembered Bucky’s plans.

Food was the very last thing on your mind.

***

You stepped into the kitchen later that night to grab a bottle of water when you noticed the lights were on outside and someone was on the balcony. When you took a closer look you noticed Steve standing outside, wearing nothing but his boxers and a t-shirt.

You should have just gone back to bed and Bucky, but it was the first time in days you’d actually have a chance to be alone with Steve so you took it.

You opened the door and stepped outside.

He turned around and shook his head in a little smile when he saw you,’ Hey.’

‘Shouldn’t you be sleeping?’ you asked.

‘Thin walls,’ he explained.

‘Oh…oh god, I’m sorry, we didn’t think…’

‘It’s alright, you and Buck haven’t seen each other in over a year, if it was me I wouldn’t leave your side or the bed either.’

You stayed quiet.

‘Sorry, that was inappropriate, I shouldn’t have said that,’ he shook his head.

You moved to stand beside him, watching down on the sleeping city underneath you.

‘Steve?’ you sighed and you waited until he looked at you, his eyes soft and shiny under the moonlight,’ Are you alright?’

‘I’m fine,’ he sighed.

‘Is that why you’ve been avoiding me all week?’

‘I just want to give you and Bucky some space to…you know.’

You both stood in silence for a while, your mind wandering to the last time you shared a balcony with him in the dark. You could still hear his moans and dirty words in your ear, yet now it was as if it never happened.

‘I hate this,’ you then confessed.

‘What?’ he asked.

‘This, us, you not even looking at me, fleeing the room as soon as I come in. We never even talk anymore, Steve, we used to be so close.’

His answer came in the form of a long sigh.

‘Can’t we just go back to how it was before?’ you asked,’ when you were my friend?’

‘I’m still your friend, I just need some time to adjust, okay.’

‘Yeah,’ you sighed,’ okay.’

Of course he needed time. You couldn’t blame him for feeling this way, a lot had happened in a year and neither of you could just turn back the clock.

‘If you two are done for the night, I’m gonna try and catch some sleep,’ he stepped away from you giving you a little forced smile.

‘Steve,’ you grabbed his hand and he stopped moving as soon as you touched him.

His hand was warm in yours and he let his thumb rub the inside of your wrist, a small gesture that put butterflies in your stomach.

‘I’m trying, okay,’ he whispered.

‘I know, I just…I miss you.’

He was doing his utter best not to look at you, as if the wall he was fighting so hard to keep up would tumble if he met your gaze.

‘I miss you too,’ he spoke softly. He squeezed your hand a little tighter before he let go and stepped away.

You stayed on the balcony a little while longer before going back to Bucky’s room and crawling into bed with him.

He turned around in his sleep and immediately reached for you, gently wrapping his arm around your waist while he nuzzled his face against your neck.

‘Where were you?’ his needy, sleepy voice filled your ear.

‘’In the bathroom, I’m here now, go back to sleep,’ you placed a soft kiss on his forehead and closed your eyes.

You tried to quiet your heavy heart and give into the safety of Bucky’s arms and the warmth of the bed, but it would take at least another hour before you would find sleep again.

Steve wasn’t so lucky.

Even after the night had gone quiet he was still lying awake and staring at his ceiling, struggling to find peace of mind. The thought of you and Bucky in each other’s arms, in the room right next to his, was making it hard to think of anything else.

He needed to get over this, you were his friend, Bucky was his best friend. If he didn’t manage to pull himself together he could lose you both. That thought was more horrible than anything else he could picture.

So for the next few weeks Steve tried his absolute best to act as normal as possible around you two and to not always flee the room when you were there.

The three of you even managed to enjoy a meal together on some nights and it didn’t feel as awkward as it did in the beginning. 

You watched both him and Bucky relax around each other and enjoy each other’s company again. They talked more and laughed more and you couldn’t be happier as you watched their friendship rekindle.

For a little while you had some hope that things might get back to normal after all.

You should have known better.

***

Steve stumbled into the kitchen a few nights later, still half asleep and with a growling stomach. The mission the day before had been a physical one and it wasn’t unusual for him to wake up after in the middle of the night craving something to eat.   
He didn’t turn on the light and was startled when he found Bucky standing in front of the fridge. 

Steve shook his head in a smile when it seemed his friend had the same idea, but as he stepped closer he noticed Bucky wasn’t moving, and hadn’t moved since Steve walked into the room. He just stood in front of the fridge like a statue.

‘Buck?’ Steve asked, a little worried.

He moved closer and put a hand on his friend’s shoulder, Bucky still didn’t seem to notice him.

‘James?’ Steve asked again, louder this time while he shook his shoulder. Relief flowing through his veins when Bucky turned to look at him and gave him a small nod and a hesitant smile.

‘You alright?’ Steve asked.

‘Yeah, I…I’m not sure how I got here,’ Bucky mumbled and Steve’s worry instantly returned.

‘What do you mean? Are you sleepwalking?’

‘I never have before.’

The look on Bucky’s face was helpless and Steve felt his heart sink at the sight of it.

‘Why don’t you sit down for a bit?’ Steve suggested,’ there’s some leftovers in the fridge, I was just going to warm them up for me, there’s enough for two.’

Bucky took a seat at the kitchen counter while Steve grabbed the food from the fridge and put it into the microwave.

‘I’m sure everything’s fine, Buck,’ Steve tried to reassure him while he took two glasses and filled them with water. He handed one to Bucky while he sat down next to him,’ you’ve been on ice for a year, your body needs to readjust.’

‘It’s not my body I’m worried about,’ Bucky confessed while he looked at Steve and sighed,’ The nightmares have returned, since a little over a week now.’

Steve tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal. He didn’t want to upset Bucky any further, but he couldn’t ignore the cold chill than ran up his spine.

He remembered the nightmares.

That’s how it started last time.


	4. Chapter 4

‘No…no…please…’

Bucky was tossing in the bed, his entire body was covered in cold sweat and his metal hand clutched at the sheets, almost ripping them apart. His legs got tangled in the fabric as he tried to kick himself free but failed.

‘No, he mumbled,’ Steve, no…no!’

‘Bucky,’ your voice pulled him from his dream. His blue eyes were filed with blind fear for a few seconds until they met yours.

He let out a heavy breath of relief and whispered your name while he wrapped his arms around your waist and clung to you. You could feel his heart race and his shirt and hair were soaked in sweat.

‘Bucky,’ your heart sank when you felt him shake in your arms,’ You’re alright, baby.’

You held him close to you and gently caressed his hair, knowing that usually had a calming effect on him,’ you’re alright, it was just a dream.’

He held you as if you were the only thing keeping him in this world, his breath heavy and warm against your neck. 

‘I’m here, James, you’re safe,’ you tried to keep your voice calm and reassuring but your heart was hurting seeing him like this.

‘I’m sorry I woke you,’ he whispered, his voice quiet and a little hoarse. He broke the hug to look at you,’ I didn’t hurt you, did I?’

The look in his eyes was filled with genuine worry and you quickly shook you head.

‘You could never hurt me, Buck,’ you whispered and leaned your forehead against his. You were still caressing his hair and you put a soft kiss on his lips. You hugged him for several minutes until his heart was starting to beat slower and his breathing had almost returned to normal.

‘How long?’ you asked.

‘Since a week or two,’ he confessed,’ they’re not as bad as before but…’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I didn’t want you to worry. I have an appointment with Dr Becker in Shield tomorrow morning, he seemed hopeful, he has some pills that he think might help…’

He didn’t sound convinced and you couldn’t blame him. While his arms around you may feel strong and unbreakable, you knew the man underneath was more fragile now than ever.

You kissed his forehead and closed your eyes while you spoke,’ All those nightmares, all those bad memories and the stuff they put in here, I wish I could take it all away, take your pain from you, it kills me that I can’t.’

He hugged you closer.

‘I would never let anyone else carry my burden,’ he then whispered,’ least of all you. You deserve the very best in life and some days…I doubt very much that I am it.’

‘You are it, Buck,’ you kissed him again, on the lips this time and you let him pull you onto his lap,’ you are it.’

He let his tongue dance with yours while his metal arm held you down on him. A soft moan escaped his lips when you rolled your hips against his.

The heat of his body, the way his hands were making their way underneath your shirt to massage your back, it was all starting to have its effect on you, and on him. You moved your hips again, feeling him harden beneath you.

‘You don’t have to…,’ he whispered but when you took his flesh hand and guided him into your panties his voice died in another moan. His fingers were wet on the first touch.

‘I want to,’ you bit his bottom lip and pushed him down on the bed,’ believe me, I want to.’

You let your fingers drag across his stomach before you pulled off his boxers and carefully straddled him. He was already rock hard against your inner thigh.

‘Unless you want me to stop?’ you took him into your hand and guided him to your wetness.

’No, please, don’t stop, please,’ he grunted and pushed himself in deeper, accentuating every word he spoke with a slow thrust,’ don’t…ever…stop.’

Your breath was taken from you when he started bucking harder, quickly surrendering himself to these needs, wanting them to take priority over everything else. 

His fingers dug deeper, his moans grew louder and his mind was almost blank, almost, he was chasing it now. Desperate for the blissful calm he knew his release would bring him.

You started riding him, taking him in deeper as you took control. Soon he could feel it starting to wash over him. With every thrust you took him further away from his nightmares and closer to some relief, even if it was only temporary.

He came with one hard snap of his hips and your name on his lips as they curled in a smile. You soon collapsed on top of him and followed.

 

***

 

Natasha pulled at the straps of your dress while she looked over your shoulder into the mirror.

‘You look gorgeous, this is the one I think.’

‘Isn’t it a bit much?’ you sighed,’ it’s just a party at the Avengers compound, I look like Cinderella at the ball in this.’

‘You’d be a very slutty Cinderella in this dress,’ she teased and you couldn’t help but smile,’ It’s Tony’s annual big party, you know how everyone dresses up for this, trust me, it’s perfect.’

You stared at yourself in the mirror. 

The dress was a soft light blue, it showed quite a bit of cleavage and the back and sides were showing even more skin, but it was long and wavy, giving it a sweet rather than sexy vibe. It was still a lot more revealing than you were used to.

You let out another sigh while you turned and looked at it from all angles in the mirror. Natasha noticed your hesitation.

‘I was only joking about the slutty, by the way,’ she said,’ you look classy but hot, Bucky won’t be able to keep his eyes off you.’

You smiled a little shyly.

‘Neither will Steve,’ Natasha then added, dropping her voice a little while she gave you a cheeky grin.

‘Nat, whatever you think you saw at the party that night, that wasn’t…we didn’t know Bucky would…’

‘It’s none of my business, I was just teasing,’ she held up her hands in a defensive manner.

‘Don’t joke about that, please,’ you wanted to protest more but you were interrupted when the subject of your discussion walked into the room, clearly surprised to see you both there.

‘Steve..I’m sorry, we used your guest room to try out dresses for tonight,’ you quickly explained,’ I hope that’s okay.’

You weren’t sure if he had actually heard you because all he did was stare. His mouth was practically on the floor and he seemed to have forgotten how to form words. When he tried to speak all he managed was a little stutter.

‘What do you think?’ Natasha asked him with a satisfied smirk on her face,’ doesn’t she look gorgeous?’

You could feel the blush creep up your cheeks and you wanted to slap Nat in the face for making this situation even more uncomfortable.

But then Steve finally managed to find his voice again. ‘Breathtakingly gorgeous,’ he whispered while keeping his eyes on yours.

He was staring at you like he was ready to devour you and rip that dress from your body right here in Nat’s presence. You suddenly felt weak on your feet.

Natasha’s hand on your shoulder brought you back to reality. ‘I told you this was the one, didn’t I?’ she whispered in a smile.

Steve averted his eyes and shook his head firmly, as if to remind himself not to think of you the way he just did.

‘You look beautiful,’ he then spoke softly,’ Bucky’s a very lucky man.’

It wasn’t so much his words that made your heart sink on the spot but the way he said them, filled with both regret and acceptance.

‘I’ll leave you ladies to it,’ he added before leaving the room.

You let out a long breath you’d been holding in as soon as he was through the door.

‘You alright?’ Natasha asked.

You shook your head and felt tears well up in your eyes,’ I can’t do this, Nat.’

‘You’re doing fine,’ she rubbed your arms and gave you a comforting smile while she turned you towards the mirror,’ you look like a princess, and Bucky is every bit the prince you want, right?’

‘Right,’ you pushed your tears away, thinking of the intense morning you just spent in bed with him,’ right, yes, of course. I love Bucky more than life.’

‘Good,’ Natasha smiled.

‘Good,’ you repeated and your eyes met hers in the mirror,’ Then why can’t I stop thinking about his best friend?’

 

***

 

Steve made his way back to the living room to find Bucky on his couch, his feet on the coffee table and a newspaper on his lap. The look on his face was serious and focussed.

‘You okay, Buck?’

‘Just catching up on some news, so Trump is president now?’ he looked at Steve with a mix of horror and shock on his face,’ when did this happen? How did this happen?’

Steve smiled and sat down next to him,’ Things changed while you were sleeping, buddy, not all for the better.’

‘No shit! You close your eyes for a little while and the world goes crazy.’

‘A lot can happen in a year,’ Steve said and he realized how true those words were for a lot of situations, not just politics.

Bucky put the paper down and looked at him,’ So, are you ready for Tony’s big party tonight?’

‘I don’t think I’m gonna go,’ Steve sighed.

‘Why wouldn’t you go?’

‘I just don’t feel much like partying, Buck, it’s fine, it’s just a stupid party. I’d rather have a quiet night in anyway.’

‘Well that sucks, because I really need you to go.’

‘Why? You don’t need me there, you have your girlfriend.’

‘No, I really need you to go because I’m not going,’ Bucky clarified.

‘Why not? Have you seen her in that dress? She looks absolutely stunning, any man would be lucky to…’ Steve ate his last words and shook his head in embarrassment when he realized what he was saying,’ oh god, Buck, I’m sorry, I’m such an idiot, that was so inappropriate for me to say after…I didn’t mean it like that!’

‘Relax,’ Bucky waved away his comment and turned to look at him,’ look, I don’t feel like being in a crowd right now, I’d much rather stay in tonight, but she’s been looking forward to this party all week and I don’t want to disappoint her.’

Steve stayed quiet. He knew what his friend was about to ask him before he spoke the words.

‘I want you to take her,’ Bucky said.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve takes you to the party at Bucky’s request and tries to keep his distance from you, but there’s alcohol, and dancing, and feelings neither of you can ignore much longer.

You leaned against the wall of the elevator bringing you up to Tony’s place. The corny elevator music did nothing to relieve the tension between you and Steve, who was standing right next to you, wearing a gorgeous, perfectly tailored black suit. 

You had trouble keeping your eyes off him and it was obvious he was fighting the same battle. Steve’s hands were tucked into his suit pants and he kept staring out in front of him as if you weren’t even there. You’d be offended if you didn’t understand exactly what he was going through right now.

You two had been fine around each other in the apartment with Bucky there as a barrier, but now, being here all alone and all dressed up.   
It felt like an actual date and it could not feel any more awkward.

‘I really love your dress,’ Steve’s voice finally broke the silence.

He still wasn’t looking at you but you were relieved he was at least speaking to you.

‘Thanks,’ you smiled,’ You clean up nicely too.’

‘Thank you.’

He sounded so nervous and you couldn’t help but smile a little.

Steve has never been one to wear his heart on his sleeve, most of the time you had to drag the words out of him but you could always tell when something was wrong or when he wasn’t feeling like himself. 

He was a horrible liar and unimaginably bad at faking any of his emotions. Too honest for his own good.

‘I’m sure Buck would have loved to be here if he could,’ Steve spoke softly,’ I bet he would have loved to show you off.’

‘I’m sure he would have,’ your smile was bittersweet and you looked at him from the corner of your eye. He wasn’t looking back.

The elevator doors opened just in time to save you both from more forced interaction.

Steve waited to let you step out first. Always a gentleman but he also used this opportunity to finally let his eyes feast on you without you noticing. He knew it was a cheap move but he couldn’t help it, he’d wanted to look at you ever since he saw you trying on that dress earlier. 

He also wanted to curse Bucky for asking this from him, and himself for being unable to refuse.

All he had to do was get through tonight and he could go back to keeping his distance from you. It was a party, there’d be plenty of people here to keep him busy and distracted, how hard could it be?

You turned around and gave him a warm smile while you waited for him to join you,’ Come on, Cap, don’t be shy.’

Steve’s heart made a little jump when your eyes met his. He bit his lip and held in a heavy sigh.

Hard, it would be incredibly hard.

You could see the relief on his face when Sam immediately made his way over and greeted the both of you before turning his full attention back to Steve,’ I saved you a seat, man, are you sitting with us or…?’

‘Yeah, I…um, I…’ Steve stuttered, there was that nervous little smile again and he looked at you, as if asking for your permission. Your heart sank.

Of course he wanted to spend tonight with his friends and not with you. You both knew that was the only smart option and yet it hurt more than you expected.

‘Sure, go, I was gonna find Nat anyway,’ you tried to sound as casual as possible and he gave you a thankful smile before walking off with Sam, who gave you a small friendly wink.

You tried to hold in an annoyed sigh but failed. This was all such a stupid idea, this was all Bucky’s stupid idea. Stupid, stupid Bucky.   
He had no idea what he was doing sending Steve here with you.

You should have just stayed home with him but he insisted you didn’t drop the party for his sake.

It wasn’t too late to just turn around and go back right now. But just as that thought was forming in your mind someone put a drink in your hand.

‘This is a party, Elsa, turn that frown upside down,’ Tony smirked at you.

‘Elsa?’ you laughed.

He wildly gestured towards your light blue dress and then put his hands on your shoulders to push you towards the dance floor.

‘Sleeping beauty not with you tonight?’ he asked.

‘Bucky’s home,’ you smiled.

‘His loss, you look gorgeous. Drink that and have a few more, please, on me, no need to hold back tonight.’

‘If you say let it go I’m gonna smack you,’ you warned him but he just smiled and gave you a final push until you were standing on the dance floor.

You couldn’t help but smile and you took a sip from your drink. You had no idea what was in the glass but as soon as the liquid filled your lungs you felt a warm rush running through your veins, helping you relax almost instantly.

Tony was right, this was a party and you sure as hell could use one right about now. You might as well make the most of it now you were here.

 

***

 

Steve eyed you from the sidelines, a warm smile on his face as he watched you dance and relax, courtesy of the alcohol, the music and an enthusiastic Wanda dancing alongside you. 

The conversation between Sam and the other guys around him faded to the background while he watched you.

He was mesmerized by every small detail: the smile on your lips and how you bit your bottom lip when you lost yourself in the music. The way your dress moved with your body as you danced and accentuated every curve. God he loved those curves. How your hair fell on your shoulders so softly and delicately, he wanted to bury his face in it and take up you scent, lose himself in it again even if it was just one last time.

He turned away with a heavy sigh, forcing himself to stop staring, like he had done so many times in these past weeks. 

This was all wrong, he shouldn’t be thinking like this, shouldn’t even be looking. 

He rubbed his beard and looked down, startled when he found Natasha sitting next to him on the edge of the couch, an all knowing smile on her face.

‘Nat,’ he sighed.

‘So that’s it? You’re just going to ogle her from the shadows like a pervy creep?’

He couldn’t help but smile at her choice of words but he shook his head,’ She loves him, Nat, and he loves her, that’s all I need to know. Bucky deserves happiness in his life.’

‘So do you, Steve.’

‘Yeah, but…’

‘What? Do you think he deserves it more than you do? Because he suffered more?’

‘Maybe,’ Steve admitted.

‘And how does she feel about that?’

‘I don’t want to make things more difficult for her.’

‘Have you even considered that maybe she wants you to fight for her?’

He looked at her and shook his head with a little smile,’ I couldn’t, if it were any other man but…this is Bucky, Nat, I could never.’

Natasha nodded her head in understanding,’ Bucky comes first.’

‘Always,’ Steve whispered.

She put her hand on his shoulder and kissed his temple,’ You’re a good man, Rogers.’

‘Not good enough,’ he sighed and took a long sip from his drink, willing himself to look away from you

 

***

 

The atmosphere on the dance floor had loosened you up and you were actually close to having a good time. You had felt Steve looking at you several times throughout the night but you decided to ignore it. 

If he wanted to keep his distance there was nothing you could do about that.

It wasn’t until the end of the night, when the party was as good as over, that you two met again. 

When you were on your way to the elevator you found Steve standing right in front of it. As if he had been waiting for you there. Or as if fate brought you two there at the exact same spot at the exact same time.

You didn’t believe in fate.

‘Do you want to go home?’ Steve asked.

‘Yeah,’ you turned to look at him, almost surprised to see him looking back at you with a smile,’ It’s alright, you know, I can ask Tony for a driver. You don’t have to…’

‘Bucky wanted me to take you, I think he’d appreciate it if I also bring you home,’ Steve insisted.

You nodded your head.

‘Keep you out of trouble,’ he added with a small grin, which made you chuckle.

‘You should probably keep me away from you then,’ you joked. You regretted the words as soon as they left your lips but Steve didn’t react.

You both stepped into the elevator.

The music was still the same as earlier that night but the two people traveling down were different. 

Both you and Steve had your guard down this time, whether it was because of the alcohol or the adrenaline of a fun night out the end result was the same: as soon as the elevator doors closed your eyes found each other like two magnets pulled together.

The look on Steve’s face was serious. He let his gaze drop down to your lips before looking up to meet your eyes again.

‘You’re so beautiful,’ he whispered,’ How am I supposed to just …’

He swallowed his last words and let out a heavy sigh.

You didn’t know what your heart was doing but you no longer had any control over it. His words, the tenderness in his voice, combined with the lustful way he was looking at you broke all your defenses.

You hadn’t even meant to move but you took a step forward nonetheless, putting yourself right in front of him.

Steve couldn’t do it. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you any longer and it was taking every last bit of strength he had left to not put his hands on you.

You leaned forward and softly placed your head against his chest while you closed your eyes and whispered his name.

It was the last push he needed.

You smiled when he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and hugged you.

His hug was intoxicating and you realized how much you’d missed him, not just his presence but this, being close to him, being able to touch him, hug him, without feeling guilty.   
His hands were caressing your back so softly you felt an army of butterflies rise up in your stomach, and goosebumps all over your arms.

‘I should get you home,’ he broke the spell.

‘Just stay with me a little longer, please,’ you begged softly. You weren’t ready for his hug to end and you buried your face into the crook of his neck, taking in his scent.

‘You know we can’t,’ he sighed,’ if I stay any longer I’ll end up kissing you and neither of us want that.’

You couldn’t speak for him but in that moment you very much wanted that. 

So very much.

But you pulled back and nodded your head,’ Yeah, you’re right.’

He was still struggling to keep his eyes off you.

‘Of course you’re right, let’s go home,’ you sighed and you stepped back, but not before leaning in to press a soft kiss on his cheek. 

It was meant to be just a goodbye but both of you froze as soon as your lips touched his skin. You didn’t pull away and neither did he.

‘Fuck,’ Steve’s voice was barely a whisper. He closed his eyes for a brief moment before he took the next step and let his lips brush against yours.

Your heart fluttered and your first reflex was to kiss him back but then you put your fingers on his lips and shook your head.

‘No, we can’t do this to Buck,’ you protested,’ you said so yourself, Steve, and you’re right. We can’t, I can’t…if Bucky knew…’

‘He knows.’

‘What?’

‘He knows,’ Steve repeated in a sigh,’ he knew from the very first day, as soon as he woke up and saw us together.’

‘But…no, he…he would have told me,’ you stuttered,’ Bucky tells me everything.’

You tried to Steve’s words sink in but you just couldn’t believe them.

‘Well, he didn’t tell you this,’ Steve sighed.

You were shaking your head in protest, unable to think of what to say.

‘He doesn’t think it was important,’ Steve explained,’ I told him it was just one time and it didn’t mean anything.’

His words hang heavy between the two of you and your eyes met.

‘Is that what it was?’ you asked hesitantly.

‘I’ve never lied to Buck in my entire life,’ he confessed and you could see it pained him to speak the next words,’ until then.’

He broke eye contact and sighed deeply.

‘I’m sorry, Steve,’ you didn’t know what else to say.

‘Did it?’ he then asked,’ did it mean anything at all to you?’

His words stung and the sad look in his eyes put tears in yours.

‘Of course it did, you know that,’ you whispered.

‘Because…I’ve been lying to myself every day since it happened,’ Steve’s voice was overcome by emotion now, something you so rarely saw on him,’ I tell myself it means nothing, that you’re Bucky’s girl and not mine and that I should just forget it.’

‘Steve…’

Now he had started talking there was no stopping him and he interrupted you before you could say anything,’ That it doesn’t kill me to not be able to touch you when it’s all I can think about. How every time you even look at me I don’t feel like pushing you up against a wall and kiss your neck again until you moan my name and I…’

He bit his lip to stop his flow of words and shook his head before letting his eyes meet yours again.

‘I try so hard not to,’ he then whispered,’ but I want you so bad…’

You didn’t say a word, you just put your hands on his stomach and pushed until he was the one backed up against the wall of the elevator.   
It had reached its destination but neither of you was getting out.

You slowly pushed Steve’s jacket off of him and let it fall to the floor. He didn’t move when you loosened up his tie and took it off too. Nor did he move when you slowly started unbuttoning his shirt.   
You watched him bite his lip which only spurred you on to continue.  
His body was completely still, surrendering to your touch and his eyes were begging you to take it further.

You pushed his shirt over his shoulders, letting your hands feel the strong muscle on his arms as you did.  
You took a few seconds to admire the perfect torso in front of you before you let your hands explore his chest and abdomen. He got goosebumps as soon as you touched him. 

When you leaned forward and put your mouth on his neck he nearly lost his balance and the moan in the back of his throat was enough to soak your panties.

You kissed your way down to his chest, taking your time to taste every muscle and every vein. When you reached his nipple you gave it a soft bite and Steve hissed. His breathing was already shallow and you hadn’t even reached his most sensitive spots yet.

You kissed your way further down, over his perfect six pack, licking the firm muscle while you gently tugged his pants down a little.

‘Oh god,’ Steve whimpered.

His hand found it’s way into your hair and gently caressed the scalp of your head while he moaned your name and surrendered himself to the feel of your tongue on his skin. He was growing hard really fast.

‘You drive me insane,’ he breathed.

You kissed the hairs on his happy trail, eliciting even more moans from him. You couldn’t wait any longer and you cupped his erection though his pants. You had expected him to be halfway there but he was already rock hard, bucking his hips into your hand as you rubbed him.

‘Shit,’ he closed his eyes and tried to calm himself down.

When you started to unbutton his pants his fingers tightened around your hair and he pulled you off him.

He brought your face up to meet his and this time there was no hesitation in his kiss, his tongue found it’s way to yours and he had you panting with him in seconds.   
His strong arms wrapped around your waist and he grabbed you by the ass to lift you and change your positions, pinning you against the wall this time.

He wasted no time, he pushed up your dress while he kneeled down and put himself between your legs.

He was rushing and you knew why, if either of you took the time to think this over, this moment would be gone before it started.

Your panties were gone in one quick and desperate tug and one of your legs was lifted onto his shoulder. The anticipation of what he was about to do had you soaked.

If he didn’t fuck you soon you felt like you would explode.

But he wasn’t going to fuck you, at least not yet. 

The next thing you felt was his beard on your inner thigh. Followed by his warm wet tongue searching it’s way up to your sensitive spots as he pushed you open.   
You almost came on the spot when he licked your clit and started eating you out like he’d been starved for weeks.

‘Oh god, Steve,’ your hand tugged at his hair while you bucked your hips against his face. 

The combination of his beard and his tongue had you falling apart. You came quickly and violently screaming his name while you pulled at his hair.

He took his time lapping you up before kissing his way back up to your lips. He didn’t kiss your mouth but just let his lips ghost over yours.   
You licked the taste of your own arousal from his lips and his tongue, putting a little smile on his face.

‘God, you turn me on so fucking much,’ you whispered. He just gave you a little grin while he unzipped his pants.

‘You have no idea,’ he breathed while he guided his cock inside of you,’ No idea the effect you have on me.’

Both of you were gasping now and his smile suddenly faded when he let himself sink deep inside of you.

His eyes met yours, the look on his face serious when he started moving, pulling out gently to drive himself back in with a hard desperation that you made you clung to his back for support.

‘Steve,’ you moaned softly.

‘Just hold onto me,’ he whispered sweetly,’ hold onto me, I’ve got you.’

His kisses were so soft and gentle it was almost too much to bear. His thrusts on the other hand were hard and determined but it was his quiet whimpers in between that wrecked you completely,’ You’re so beautiful…you’re so goddamn beautiful…I need you so badly…my sweet girl…please…I’m gonna…’

It was your orgasm that pulled him down with you and you fell apart in each other’s arms.

Steve came with a loud grunt as soon as your walls started clamping around him. 

His mouth searching for yours instantly to kiss you again, deeply and slowly, taking your last moans from you.

When it was over his arms held you so tight you knew he never wanted to let you go again. And neither did you.

Steve clung to you with his entire body, every inch of his skin was on fire for you, he couldn’t remember the last time everything had felt so perfect. There was no way he could ever let this go.

This was more than butterflies, he was in love, completely and utterly in love.

It wasn’t until a few minutes later, when his heart rate had slowed down and the bliss of his climax had left him that the reality of what he had done became clear. 

Suddenly there was only one thing left on his mind and it wasn’t you.

Bucky.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Steve arrive home after the party, both crippled by guilt when you find Bucky in the kitchen waiting for you.

You hadn’t spoken a word since Steve had abruptly pushed you out of his arms after your close encounter in the elevator.

It was a gentle but firm push and it cast you both back into reality and wishing there was a way to turn back the clock.

But there was no way to take back what you did.

Steve had been giving you the silent treatment ever since. He opened the car door to let you step outside and followed you up to his apartment.

When you were close to his door you slowed down your steps.

‘Maybe I should…maybe I should just spend tonight at my place,’ you hesitated.

‘No,’ Steve insisted,’ If I know Bucky at all he will be up waiting for you.’

You knew Steve was right. And for a second the thought of Bucky waiting up to see you brought a smile to your face, but then reality hit and suddenly you were fighting tears.

‘Steve,’ your voice broke.

‘Hey, stop it, okay,’ he turned to face you and carefully took your hand in his,’ You can do this, everything will be fine.’

You nodded your head firmly. You wanted to believe him so badly, believe everything could still go back to normal and all three of you could come out of this unharmed. But how could it?

You slept with Bucky’s best friend, not once but twice now. There was no excuse for the second time. 

Nothing would ever be fine again.

‘Whatever happens you can do this, alright?’ Steve tried to comfort you and he gave you a few more seconds before he took out his key.

‘Okay,’ you whispered.

He let go of your hand and opened the door.

Bucky was sitting at the kitchen counter, wearing just a t-shirt and his boxers and eating cereal. He looked up with a smile when he watched you and Steve walk in.

You wanted to go up to him and hug him, kiss him and take him with you to the bedroom as if nothing had happened. You wanted to act normal but as soon as Bucky’s eyes found yours, you suddenly forgot how and you froze.

He always could read you like a book, and you knew he could read Steve even better. The guilt was written all across your faces. Bucky was no fool.

There was a heavy silence in the room and you wished someone would speak but all three of you just stared, the smile had faded from Bucky’s face.

It took several more minutes before someone finally spoke and when it happened all three of you spoke at the same time:’ We need to talk.’

You glanced at both Steve and Bucky, not sure who wanted what.

‘Who first?’ you asked.

Bucky stood from his kitchen stool and walked closer to the both of you before pointing to Steve,’ Me and him first.’

You nodded your head, preparing yourself for an angry Bucky to kick you out of the room.  
But he just walked up to you and gently took your hand in his.

‘I’ll be with you soon, okay, doll?’ his voice was calm and filled with affection and he leaned in to softly kiss your lips. Tears filled your eyes when his lips brushed yours but Bucky didn’t notice. He just turned around after the kiss and you quickly disappeared into his bedroom, hiding your tears.

Steve sat down at the kitchen counter and waited for Bucky to talk.

‘What do you want to talk about?’ Bucky asked.

Steve looked at his friend and his heart sank.

He didn’t even know where to start. How could he ever find the words to explain this? Could he even explain it to himself?

‘Something happened tonight at the party,’ he started hesitantly,’ we didn’t mean for it to happen but…’

‘You slept with her, didn’t you?’

Steve stayed quiet for a few moments, delaying the inevitable, before he nodded his head and admitted it,’ I’m so sorry, Buck. I lied to you when I said it didn’t mean anything before.’

Bucky stayed quiet.

‘It did mean something,’ Steve continued,’ It meant everything, I would have never gone near her if it didn’t… but…she’s not mine, she never will be, I know that.’

Bucky could hear the emotion in his voice and sighed.

‘I know she loves you and not me and I’m an idiot, not to mention a horrible friend, you don’t deserve this, Buck,’ Steve’s voice was close to breaking and he struggled to go on,’ but I’m in love with her, I tried so hard to fight it, to ignore it but I can’t.’

‘I know.’

‘I’m so fucking sorry, I will find a way to deal with it, I swear,’ Steve was rambling on when he realized what Bucky had said and how calm his voice had sounded.

When he looked at Bucky’s face he wasn’t greeted with an angry look but with a little accepting smile.

‘Wait, you knew?’ Steve asked.

‘Of course I knew, you can’t lie for shit, Rogers. It’s all over your face how smitten you are.’

‘If you knew then why on earth did you ask me to…?’ Steve didn’t finished his sentence but looked Bucky right in the eyes,’ you planned this? Tonight? You planned this?!’

Bucky didn’t answer but he didn’t have to, it was all over his face. He was a shitty liar too.

‘You wanted this to happen?’ Steve’s hadn’t noticed how he was raising his voice,’ what the fuck is wrong with you, Barnes?!’

‘She’s in love with you too,’ Bucky spoke softly,’ I see it in the way she looks at you, or rather how she tries so damn hard not to look at you.’

‘Irrelevant,’ Steve was standing up to walk closer to his friend, an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach when his eyes reached Bucky’s,’ Why? What are you doing?’

‘You’re gonna be good to her, right? Make her happy?’ Bucky’s voice had gone even more quiet.

‘She doesn’t need me for that, she has you,’ Steve insisted.

‘Steve,’ Bucky sighed deeply and shook his head in defeat.

Steve felt his heart break into a million pieces,’ Don’t you fucking dare.’

Bucky was taken aback by the anger in Steve’s voice.

‘I woke up too soon, Steve, I’m not right, we all know it.’

‘If the next words coming out of your mouth are I’m going back into cryo I swear to God, Buck, I will…’

He swallowed his last words.

Bucky stood up but he wasn’t fast enough to avoid Steve’s grip and Steve pushed him up against the fridge, holding him still so he was forced to look Steve in the eyes.

‘I will not let you run, not this time,’ Steve said.

‘It would be better for everyone,’ Bucky sighed.

‘Oh really, better for everyone? Better for her? For me? Huh? Do you even know what we went through last time? How hard this past year has been without you?’

This time Steve’s voice was breaking and he didn’t try to hide it. Bucky didn’t answer his question.

‘We both lost the most important person in our lives,’ Steve continued, still holding Bucky by the shoulders,’ that’s why we grew closer together…because we both couldn’t do this without you.’

Steve released him from his grip and stepped back.

‘But you can, you don’t need me, neither of you need me,’ Bucky’s voice was shaky but there was no doubt he meant what he said. Steve knew how stubborn he could be once he got an idea into that thick head of his.

‘You and her,’ Bucky continued,’ you guys actually have a shot, you can have a life with her, you can make her happy, I know you can, Steve.’

‘Buck…’

‘Three’s a crowd, isn’t that what they say?’ Bucky spoke with a little sad smile on his face,’ it’s clear which one of us has to go.’

‘I’ll go,’ Steve blurted out.

Bucky seemed lost for words for a few seconds.

‘I’ll ask Fury for a transfer, they can put me in another city, another country if needed be, they can use my help anywhere, it doesn’t have to be New York.’

‘New York is your home,’ Bucky sighed.

‘It’s yours too, Buck. I will go, I caused this, I overstepped, I should be the one to fix it. If this is what needs to happen so you and her can be happy then I’ll do it, in a fucking heartbeat.’

Bucky looked at his friend, even after all these years he was still willing to give up his own happiness for his. They really were one and the same. Bucky shook his head in a smile.

‘So we’ll never see each other again?’ he then asked,’ Not a chance, Rogers, you’re not doing that.’

They both stayed quiet for a few seconds until Bucky stepped closer. The determined serious look in his eyes told Steve this conversation was over and nothing Steve said now would change Bucky’s mind.

‘You’re a better man than I am, always have been,’ Bucky spoke softly,’ and I want her to be with the better man. We all know that ain’t me.’

Steve opened his mouth to speak but Bucky interrupted him before he could,’ I’m going back under, it’s my decision, you can’t stop me.’

‘Buck, please…’

‘Don’t make me kick your ass because I will,’ he added and he pushed Steve aside and made his way over to the bathroom.

***

You waited for Bucky in his bedroom for an hour before sleep took over and you dozed off alone on the bed. Alcohol never did agree with you much, combined with the long emotional night you just had, the exhaustion won the battle.

You were woken up by a hand gently shaking your shoulder.

‘James?’ you whispered but when you opened your eyes it was another pair of blue eyes that greeted you,’ Steve?’

‘I’m sorry for waking you,’ he spoke softly,’ we have a problem. Bucky’s gone.’

‘What do you mean Bucky’s gone?’ you were suddenly wide awake.

‘I mean we had a fight and he took off,’ Steve explained,’ I thought he just needed to blow off some steam but he’s been gone for a couple of hours now.’

‘Why didn’t you wake me sooner?’ you pushed him aside and crawled your way out of the bed.

‘I didn’t think…I didn’t know…what to tell you…how to…’

He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. It was only now that you noticed his eyes were red and he looked as if he hadn’t slept at all yet.

‘Steve, what happened?’

‘He wants to go back under,’ he blurted out,’ He thinks that you and I should just go for it and forget all about him, he thinks he’s not good enough for you, and that we don’t need him anymore now that we have each other.’

Steve’s words put a knife right through your heart and your eyes filled with tears.

‘What?’ your voice was shaking.

‘I tried to tell him how ridiculous he’s being but you know how he gets,’ Steve sighed frustrated.

‘You should have went after him,’ you pushed past Steve,’ you should have never let him leave like that!’

You realized your voice was filled with misplaced anger but you couldn’t help yourself. It was either that or crying and you couldn’t give into the crying right now.

‘I need to find him,’ you were heading for the door when you realized you were still wearing your dress and it probably wasn’t the easiest of clothing to get around the city with.

You fumbled with the zipper but it was taking too long,’ Fuck, help me out of this dress.’

Steve walked up to you and carefully pulled the zipper all the way down your back before slowly letting the dress sink down your waist and then your legs. You ignored the shiver that ran up your arms when his fingers brushed the bare skin on your back.

The dress fell to the floor and you were suddenly standing before him half naked. You watched him take in a breath and he quickly turned his head to look away.

He grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of jeans that was lying on the chair next to you and handed it to you before turning around to give you privacy. It seemed a little silly since only a few hours ago he had his face buried deep between your legs.

‘Thanks,’ you whispered.

‘You’re right,’ Steve admitted, his voice barely more than a whisper,’ I shouldn’t have let him leave like that, if something happens to him it’s on me.’

His lip trembled as he spoke and you wanted to kick yourself for what you had said earlier. You knew Steve was the first to feel responsible for Bucky and anything that happened to him. On top of everything that happened tonight you didn’t want him to feel guilty about this.

You quickly put on the clothes he gave you and then stepped closer to him. You reached for his hand to make him look at you again.

‘It’s not your fault,’ you whispered,’ I’m sorry I said that, I was just angry, it’s not your fault.’

He laced his fingers with yours and gently rubbed your hand with his thumb but when his eyes met yours you pulled away. 

‘We need to find him,’ you stated.

Steve nodded his head and followed you through the door.

You didn’t make it very far because as soon as you were downstairs Steve’s phone buzzed with a message from Tony.

‘There’s a lost puppy on my doorstep, can you please come pick him up? I’m at the lab.’

Steve let out a relieved sigh,’ He’s with Tony.’

***

Tony was waiting at the door when you arrived and you both followed him to the lab where you found Bucky. He was sitting on one of the beds in the medical department, the same place you found him not so long ago when he had just woken up.

You walked up to him first, Steve and Tony in your step until you turned around to stop them.

‘Can we have some privacy, please?’ you asked.

‘Sure,’ Tony nodded,’ we’ll be right here if you need anything.’

Steve opened his mouth to say something but the look on your face stopped him and he followed Tony out of the room, leaving you alone with Bucky.

Bucky didn’t see the slap coming. You had expected him to jump back as soon as your fist hit his cheek but he just took it, accepted it like he deserved it, which made you even more angry.

‘You fucking moron! You were just gonna leave us?!’ you hit him again, in the chest this time, but it was a weak attempt after your first hit. You didn’t really want to hurt him, you wanted to hug him and never let go.

If anyone deserved to be slapped it was you, not Bucky.

‘You’re a fucking moron,’ you said again but your voice was breaking this time and your hands rested on his chest, clinging to his t-shirt,’ You’re such an idiot…why did you…please talk to me, James, please.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Bucky muttered and he finally looked at you. He put a lock of hair behind your ear and softly caressed your face with his fingers in the process,’ I’m so sorry.’

His gentle touch overwhelmed you and your heart broke. How could you ever have done what you did? How could you ever have hurt him when you loved him so much?

‘No, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry,’ the words were spilling out of your mouth now together with the tears from your eyes,’ we are so sorry, we shouldn’t have…James, there’s no excuse…I feel like we pushed you to do this, like we made you feel like you are no longer wanted or needed here.’

Bucky avoided your eyes and you watched him tear up at your words, breaking your heart into even more pieces. All you wanted was to make everything right again.

‘You are wanted, James, look at me.’

His eyes met yours and you moved in to stand between his legs, cupping his face with your hands.

‘I want you here,’ you continued,’ I need you here.’

Bucky leaned his forehead against yours and nodded his head.

‘When it comes down to choosing between you and him..I will always pick you,’ you whispered,’ always, Bucky, I need you to know that.’

He put his arms around your waist and pulled you close. He hugged you so tight you started crying even more.

‘I love you,’ you whispered in between sobs,’ I love you more than anything else on this entire planet.’

‘I love you too,’ Bucky kissed your face, every little spot he could reach from your cheeks to your nose and your jaw and neck, until you finally smiled through your tears.

He leaned back to look at you and then placed a slow lingering kiss on your lips.

‘James,’ you whispered.

‘I don’t blame you, or Steve,’ he then spoke again,’ it’s just…I don’t know what I was thinking, the nightmares, seeing you and him together, it just…I felt like the universe was trying to tell me something.’

‘The universe is a series of random, meaningless bullshit coincidences and events, Buck.’

He shook his head in a smile.

‘One of those random events woke you up,’ you then said and Bucky’s face turned serious,’ if you want to believe in signs from above that is a fucking huge one right there. I refuse to believe it woke you up just to make you leave again. You’re supposed to be here, Bucky.’

‘What about the nightmares? The sleepwalking?’

‘We’ll deal with that together,’ you pulled him closer,’ see another doctor, get you some stronger medicine, or therapy, whatever you need. You have me…and you have Steve.’

Bucky’s hopeful smile warmed your heart.

‘I meant it when I said I will always pick you, Buck,’ you whispered and he nodded his head in understanding and leaned closer.

This time his kiss was deep and desperate and you buried your hands into his hair and kissed him back with everything you had. You wanted to drown in him, let your kiss speak for you and convince him that you meant every single word.

You would drop Steve in a heartbeat if it meant Bucky would stay. And there was no doubt in your mind Steve would do the same.

Bucky was number one, always. It was the one thing you and Steve would always agree on.

Steve was watching you both from behind the glass and sighed deeply when Tony put a hand on his shoulder.

‘You alright there, big guy?’

‘Yeah,’ he forced a smile,’ I’m glad Bucky’s safe, thank you for taking care of him tonight.’

‘Anything else I can do? For you?’ Tony added, sensing the sadness in Steve’s voice.

‘No, I’m fine, Tony. Everything is as it should be now.’

Tony nodded his head but Steve wasn’t looking at him anymore. All he could think about was getting out of this room and away from here.

If he stayed any longer he would break and there was no way he was going to let himself fall apart with Tony Stark there as a witness.

He turned his back to Tony and rushed out of the door.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your feedback and kudos. I’ve enjoyed writing this story so very much and I have only fallen deeper in love with Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes as I was writing it.
> 
> This is the end of this story, but I can’t wait to start up another one with these characters, hopefully really soon!

You’d been watching him in his sleep for the past hour or so, unable to take your eyes off him, or your hands.

The perfect amount of stubble on his face tickled against the tips of your fingers as you slowly ran your hand against his jaw. So sharp, so perfectly sculpted, just like the rest of him.

That little dimple in his chin you loved to dip your tongue into, those big plump lips just waiting to be kissed. His mouth had always been your weakness and you couldn’t help but let your thumb brush delicately over his bottom lip. 

Slowly and carefully, you didn’t want to wake him up.

Bucky Barnes was the most beautiful man you ever laid eyes on. He always had been, ever since that first day when Steve brought him into SHIELD and he was only a shell of the man he is now. 

You’d been intrigued by him right away, by the kindness you met behind those hard blue eyes. It took some time before Bucky opened up to you, he didn’t let anyone in back then.

Not a lot had changed in that department, come to think of it. 

One night you and him ended up locked in a basement after a mission went horribly wrong. You’d spent 18 hours in a small closed space with him, fearing for both your lives. Bucky’s protective instinct had kicked in and he had done anything in his power to make sure you felt calm and safe with him, and he succeeded.

Nothing had been the same since.

He only kissed you for the first time two months after that though, and only after you confessed your feelings to him and flat out told him you loved him.

You loved him then and you loved him just as much, if not more now. Nobody could ever replace Bucky Barnes.

Your thumb was still stroking his lower lip when you felt him breathe out.

‘Stop doing that, it tickles,’ he mumbled, still half asleep and making you laugh.

‘Sorry,’ you bit your lip and took your hand away from his face.

Bucky slowly opened his eyes

‘Hey,’ his deep sleepy voice and half lidded eyes only made him look more attractive.

‘Hey, sleeping beauty,’ you smiled,’ no nightmares?’

‘Not tonight,’ he whispered and his lips curled into an adorable crooked smile.

He put his hand on your waist to pull you closer, leaning his forehead against yours before capturing your mouth with his.

His kiss started out slowly and lazy but as soon as his tongue found yours the intention changed. His fingers dug into the skin of your waist and when you hooked your leg over his you felt his erection pushing up against your knee.

You smiled into his kiss, Bucky didn’t say a word but he pulled you on top of him, never stopping his kisses. His hands sank underneath your shirt to caress the bare skin of your back and sink his nails into your flesh.

He moaned softly when you rolled your hips against him. He was getting harder, his need for you building so very fast. He was breathing heavily in between kisses, bucking his hips up to meet yours and soaking your panties in the process.

‘Buck,’ your moan sounded like a request and he knew exactly what you were asking for.

He didn’t say a word but he helped you pull your panties down and take your shirt off, quickly followed by his boxers.

As soon as you were both naked he pulled you back on top of him, the tip of his cock nudging at your entrance, making you both moan.

‘Please,’ you begged.

He stilled right before sinking into you and he cupped your face with one hand, staring deeply into your eyes while he caressed your cheek.

‘You’re so beautiful,’ he whispered,’ so soft and warm for me, draga mea.’

Your heart swelled and you realized he hadn’t called you that since he woke up.

You both stayed quiet when he sank deep into you, taking his time to stretch you slowly, keeping his eyes on yours the entire time. Then he started thrusting, holding one hand on your waist and the other in your neck. 

You moved your hips to meet his thrusts and soon you both struggled to keep up this slow rhythm.

The heat coiling in your center was too much to hold off, you were already clenching around him, desperate to take him down with you.

Bucky was whimpering helplessly against your neck while his fingers were sinking deeper into your skin. He was leaving bruises but you didn’t care.

‘Let go,’ you begged,’ please, come with me, James.’

He fell apart as soon as you moaned his name, his desperate cries of pleasure were enough to send you over the edge.

Bucky kept you in his arms long after, neither of you willing to move from the bed yet and face the reality of the day.

A while later you were lying on your stomach next to him, leaning on your elbows and smiling down on him while Bucky lazily played with your hair, curling it around his flesh finger.

‘Can I ask you something?’ he asked softly.

‘You can ask me anything, James, anything you want,’ you smiled.

And you meant it, you just weren’t expecting the question that followed.

‘You’re in love with him too, aren’t you?’ Bucky looked at you just as calm and content as he did a few minutes ago, seemingly unaware of the weight of his question.

‘I…Buck, I don’t want to…do we have to talk about this?’

‘It’s okay, you can be honest, I won’t get upset.’

You looked at him for a while before you spoke again.

‘Bucky,’ you then sighed, trying to gather the right words,’ Steve is…when you were gone last year Steve was the one who pulled me through. He held me up when all I wanted to do was lie face down on the ground and cry, I was ready to give up on everything but he didn’t let me. I don’t know where I’d be without him.’

Bucky smiled, it was a warm and thankful smile.

‘That wasn’t an answer to my question though,’ he then stated and you knew by that look in his eyes he was not going to let this go and he needed to hear more.

So you gave him more.

‘We both lost our best friend, no one understood what that was like except us two, you know,’ you continued,’ We needed each other and it made us grow closer together, of course I love Steve, Buck, he’s been my best friend this past year, maybe even my only friend.’

‘Just a friend?’

‘Maybe a little more,’ you admitted.

You were downplaying it and you knew it.

‘I need you to answer this question for me and be completely honest, doll, it won’t change anything between us. And it won’t change anything about the way I feel about you, okay?’ he reached his hand out to touch your cheek and smiled, convincing you of his words.

‘Are you in love with Steve?’ he asked again.

You sighed deeply and closed your eyes.

The words left your lips almost against your own will, but you could never lie to Bucky’s face so you spoke the truth:’ Yes.’

Bucky nodded his head and smiled.

‘But…’ you opened your mouth to speak but he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips to shut you up.

‘It’s alright,’ he whispered.

‘No, listen, it doesn’t matter, because I choose you, James. If I have to choose between you and Steve I know what I want and it’s you.’

The loving look in his eyes almost brought tears to your eyes.

‘It’s an easy choice,’ you added in a whisper.

Bucky caressed your cheek. The determined look on his face shook you a little but it was his words that made your heart stop for a moment,’ Maybe I don’t want you to choose.’

***

Steve stood in front of the living room window in his apartment looking down on the busy street beneath. He hadn’t slept much that night after he’d fled from the lab. Watching you and Bucky together had been like a rude awakening.

Of course you would pick Buck, there was never any doubt. Heck if he had any say in it he’d wanted you to pick Bucky. It was the only right choice.

But that didn’t make it hurt any less.

He turned around to look at the empty couch and the empty kitchen. He’d gotten so used to having you around here during this past year, he had forgotten how quiet it could get.

And how lonely it could get.

The thought of having to come home to this every day suddenly filled him with a heavy sadness and he had to push back tears. He screwed everything up, this was all his own fault.

The turning of a key in the door woke him from his thoughts. Much to his surprise Bucky entered the apartment alone.

‘Good, you’re here,’ Bucky sighed and walked up to him.

‘You’re back.’

‘I’m sorry I took off like that last night,’ Bucky apologized.

‘It’s alright, understandable after what happened,’ Steve looked at Bucky as he sat down on the couch in front of him. Bucky’s expression was serious but calm.

‘What happens now?’ Steve asked in a sigh.

‘That’s up to you.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean…if you want we’ll both move out, get out of your hair and let you live your life.’

Steve nodded, trying to ignore the lump forming in his throat.

‘But I don’t like that option very much,’ Bucky added.

‘What other option is there, Buck?’ Steve sighed.

It wasn’t meant to be a question but apparently Bucky had an answer for him anyway,’ We stay, and so do you.’

‘I don’t want to leave, Buck, you know that is the very last thing I want. But being around the two of you…it’s just too hard. It wouldn’t be smart. I’d be in the way, as you said, three’s a crowd.’

‘Doesn’t have to be.’

‘Bucky,’ Steve sighed in frustration.

‘I don’t think you’re understanding me,’ Bucky interrupted him and stood up to face him,’ remember one of the last nights before the war, when I took you to that dance hall and one of our double dates stood us up?’

‘I think I remember that night, yeah,’ Steve lips curled into a little smile at the memory.

‘What was her name again?’ Bucky asked.

‘Catherine.’

‘Yes, Catherine,’ Bucky smiled amused,’ Catherine did show up and Catherine was as keen on you as she was on me. She spent the whole night dancing with both of us, kissing both of us and…having the night of her life.’

Steve’s smile faded when he realized where Bucky was going with this.

‘Buck, that was one date, one night,’ he objected,’ and we didn’t even know the girl.’

‘I remember how happy you looked that night,’ Bucky’s voice had suddenly turned quiet and it was filled with so much emotion it put a lump in Steve’s throat again,’ it didn’t matter that we shared her, you were so happy because you got the girl.’

Bucky smiled at the memory but Steve’s eyes filled with tears.

‘It wasn’t just about the girl,’ he then admitted in a sigh,’ I was happy because you were happy.’

They both looked at each other without saying anything for a few seconds.

‘Then you get it,’ Bucky spoke softly’ if I have to chose between making you miserable or making you happy…I chose to make you happy.’

‘It’s not that simple, Buck.’

‘Why can’t it be?’

‘Because you can’t compare one drunken night to real life, we can’t share the same girl, it’s just not…it’s not how it’s supposed to be, it’s not normal,’ he let out a helpless sigh and shook his head.

‘Normal?’ Bucky chuckled,’ since when have we ever been normal, Steve?’

Steve couldn’t help but smile but he still shook his head. The whole idea was just ridiculous. Not to mention immoral.

‘Bucky, this is…’

‘It’s the new normal, Rogers. Get with the times, don’t be so old fashioned.’

‘I’m not old fashioned,’ he objected.

‘Things aren’t the way they were when we were young, Steve,’ Bucky looked into his eyes, trying to convince him,’ Life is different now, people are different.’

‘But I’m not different, Buck.’

Bucky nodded his head in defeat. 

He knew that look on Steve’s face like no other, it was no use to continue this now, he wouldn’t listen.

‘If you want us to leave we’ll leave,’ Bucky conceded,’ Just say the word. But please at least think about it.’

***

Steve hadn’t been able to think of anything else since Bucky left his apartment. It sounded like a solution to all of their problems, on paper. In reality he couldn’t bring himself to find peace with it. 

To him it felt like they would be using you, and he couldn’t put himself past that concern.

Maybe Bucky was right, maybe he was just too old fashioned for something like this. Maybe he’d rather just suffer the heartbreak of losing you instead of using you in a situation that didn’t feel right to him.

He just wanted you to be happy, and in his mind you’d be happiest with Bucky. With Bucky only.

He decided to pack his bags that night and stay at Sam’s place for a few days until he figured out what to do next.

His mind was made up, at least it was until he walked into his apartment that night.

You were standing in his kitchen pouring drinks, wearing one of Steve’s shirts and a black sweatpants, your hair hung loosely across your shoulders. There was no make up on your face but it didn’t matter, to Steve you still looked as beautiful as the night before.

He couldn’t help himself, he stopped to look at you while the smile on his face grew.

When he forced himself to step further into the apartment he noticed Bucky was sitting on the couch, wearing equally comfortable clothes as you were. His long hair tied into a man bun and browsing through the Netflix menu, as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

Steve’s heart could not have sunk any lower.

It was such a warm and normal sight he was lost for words for a few seconds, taken aback by what his heart was telling him right now: that there was no place on earth he’d rather be than right here with the both of you.

He stepped into the kitchen to greet you, his voice was shaky when he spoke your name.

‘Hey,’ your smile was warm but he could see the nerves on your face now that he stepped closer. In a way it was a relief to see you were struggling too.

‘Are you okay?’ you asked softly.

‘I’m not sure,’ he confessed,’ I just…I’m…I…’

He sighed deeply, unable to find the words to convey what he wanted to say and when you stepped closer and looked into his eyes he forgot everything.

‘Steve,’ you sighed.

‘I can’t stay,’ he then blurted out,’ I can’t do…what Bucky wants me to do, I want to but I can’t.’

‘It’s okay, I understand.’

He looked so nervous your heart ached for him.

‘Bucky and his stupid plans, huh?’ you added with a little grin, trying to lighten the mood.

‘I can hear you, you know,’ Bucky’s voice made you both smile.

He had moved from the couch to the kitchen and just gave you both a smile,’ I’m just going around the corner to get some snacks, leave you two to talk, okay?’

You and Steve stayed quiet, even minutes after Bucky had gone there were no words spoken. 

After a while Steve was the one who broke the silence.

‘I feel like we’d be taking advantage of you, in this…scenario,’ he spilled,’ it’s not right, you deserve more than…’

‘More than what? More than being allowed to love the two people I love most on this entire planet? More than being with the two sweetest, kindest and most amazing men I know?’

You couldn’t help but chuckle and you raised your eye brows at him. He gave into a small smile.

‘Steve, if anything this isn’t fair to you,’ you continued,’ and if that’s the reason you can’t do it then I understand, okay, completely. I understand if you don’t want to share me with anyone else, even if that someone is Bucky. I get it, I do. But don’t you make this about me and about you doing right by me, because that’s not…don’t use that as an excuse.’

He sighed,’ I’m not looking for excuses.’

You stepped closer to him and you could see him take in a breath.

‘Do you want me?’ you asked.

You stared at him and his eyes softened.

‘Do you want me?’ you repeated.

‘You know how badly I want you,’ he whispered.

Your hand grabbed his shirt and he closed his eyes and sighed your name, leaning his forehead against yours.

‘Then kiss me,’ you begged him.

He bit his lip and shook his head but you noticed he was breathing hard and struggling to fight his feelings. His hands were suddenly on your waist, pulling you closer.

‘Kiss me,’ you asked again and before you finished your plea he leaned in and kissed your lips.

There was no doubt in his kiss and you made sure to let him feel how badly you wanted this too. You wrapped your arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. Your heart was racing in your chest when he moaned softly in the back of his throat.

He broke the kiss after a while but still held you into a tight hug. You clung to him, suddenly desperate to keep him close. You realized in that moment your heart would break if he left.

The feeling overwhelmed you and you were unable to hold back the words that flowed from your lips.

‘I love you,’ you whispered in his ear.

Steve let out a deep desperate sigh and hugged you even tighter.

When you leaned back to look at him you noticed tears in his eyes.

‘I love you too,’ he whispered.

You kissed him again, softer this time, allowing yourself to taste him on your lips, feel his strong arms and body against yours and his warm breath against your mouth.

You needed him to stay, you knew it was selfish to want both of them but you couldn’t fight it, you needed them both.

‘God, what am I doing?’ Steve sighed but there was a happy smile on his face,’ how do we even…how does this even work?’

‘I don’t know,’ you laughed but turned serious when you met his eyes,’ but I guess we’ll figure it out as we go along?’

Steve leaned his forehead against yours and you ran your fingers through the back of his hair.

‘You really love me?’ he then asked with a little happy grin.

‘I really love you, Steve Rogers,’ you confessed softly,’ please don’t go, please stay with me.’

He nodded his head and kissed you again.

‘Stay with us,’ you then added,’ I need Bucky…but I need you too.’

You both jumped when Bucky walked thought the door but he just had a warm smile on his face seeing the two of you in each other’s arms.

‘Don’t stop on my account,’ he put a hand on Steve’s shoulder while he passed and made his way back to the living room.

‘Don’t make it weird, Barnes,’ Steve joked but you smiled at the embarrassed blush on his cheeks as he looked down and avoided your eyes, suddenly shy now that Bucky was in the room.

You stepped out of his arms and grabbed the tray of drinks to take with you to the living room.

Steve stood a little lost alone in the kitchen but you softly squeezed his hand when you passed and smiled,’ Join us?’

He stood still for a few moments longer, looking at you and Bucky on his couch.

You were both fighting over the remote and Bucky pulled you down next to him, making you both giggle. Steve’s heart was nearly jumping out of his chest.

He remembered Bucky standing in this exact spot in his kitchen not so long ago, looking lost and more unhappy than Steve’s heart could handle. The careless smile on Bucky’s face right now made him look like a different man.   
It made him look like the Bucky Steve remembered from another time, when life hadn’t been so cruel to him yet. When the world was simpler and smaller.

And then there was you.

You hugged Bucky with so much love and then turned around to Steve with the same loving look in your eyes.

Maybe Bucky was right, maybe they were never born for normal. Maybe happiness was something you had to create for yourself, find your own happiness and be brave enough not to walk away from it once you found it. 

And he believed he had found it.

‘Are you gonna stand there all night or are you joining us?’ Bucky asked with a hopeful smile on his face.

Steve kicked off his shoes and took off his jacket before he sat down next to you on the couch, greeted with your warm smile.

You sat between both men while Bucky picked a movie from the Netflix menu.

As soon as the intro started both men reached for the bowl of popcorn in your lap at the same time, making their hands bump. Neither of them pulled away.

‘Quit hogging the popcorn, Steve,’ Bucky sighed,’ I went in first.’

‘I wasn’t trying to cut in…just…take your share and don’t be greedy,’ Steve objected.

You covered your mouth to stifle your laugh,’ No fighting, guys, there’s enough here for the both of you.’

You watched as Bucky’s eyes met Steve’s and they both shared an embarrassed smile before turning their attention back to the movie.

‘We’ll have a talk about the concept of sharing later,’ you added with a grin.

Bucky’s leg gently touched yours and you put your hand on his knee to squeeze him softly while your other hand found Steve who softly laced his fingers with yours.

It wouldn’t be easy, neither of you was that naive, but right now your heart was filled with so much love it felt like it could burst.

You were the luckiest woman on the planet. 


End file.
